we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Randomize
