I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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