You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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