just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
