You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
