you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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