she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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