the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
