i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
