She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
