You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
