Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
