Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
