He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
