I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
