the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
wow bdsm is so cute
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
