You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
