I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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