What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
