i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
