it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
