hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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