So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
