my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
