I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
