I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
