I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
