Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
