She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
