Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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