after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
