I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
