remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
