I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
