How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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