the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
