Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
