Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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