is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
