My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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