yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
