Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
