so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
