Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Mom said you looked used
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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