never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
