Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
