I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
