Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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