Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
