no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
