My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
