I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
