She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
