If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Boobs speak an international language.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
