i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
