His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Randomize
